As Charged
by SunshineandDaisys
Summary: Oneshot: But their efforts were to be in vain. The female host had spotted the cookie jar. The empty cookie jar. Chocolate brown eyes narrowed as she slowly looked down upon the cookie-holding Hitachiin. Hikaru swallowed. "This isn't what it looks like."


**Disclaimer:** Ohmigawd, could you imagine what things would be like if one of us Hika/Haru fangirls owned this shizz? I can. And it's BLOODY FANTASTIC.

**A/N:** You all do realize that there are only 10 pages worth of Hika/Haru on effeffdotnet? And that that is entirely unacceptable?

Written because I'm tired of reading regurgitations of episode 16. C'mon, guys. C'mon.

* * *

**As Charged**

**By: SunshineandDaisys**

* * *

"Au revoir, my beautiful princesses. I shall be counting down the seconds until we meet again!" The host club's platinum-blond president threw a hand dramatically across his forehead, leaning against the door, slowly pushing it to a close.

"Ooh, Tamaki!" Squeals could still be heard through the remaining crack in the portal.

"Farewell!" he cried, dropping his weight fully against the door.

"Ooooh, he is soooo--" Thud. A brief - very, very brief; perhaps the entirety of a second - moment of silence enveloped the room. Then Tamaki straightened and smiled.

"Well, that was fun!"

"Time for cake! Cakecakecake!"

"Boo~ooring!"

"Where is my laptop..."

Haruhi sighed as she sat heavily on one of the many plush couches in the Third Music Room, home of Ouran's infamous Host Club. They were getting a little _too _infamous these days. "Since when do we take girls from other schools as regulars, Kyoya-senpai?" She turned to him as he surveyed the tables covered in tea cups, various other china and food remnants for his computer.

"Well," he began, looking back at her. "For starters--"

"It's our job, Haruhi!" Tamaki extended an arm exuberantly, sliding right in front of Kyoya's face and successfully cutting off whatever the vice president had been on the verge of saying. "As hosts, we are to make every woman who enters this room happy! Even if they aren't from our academy." He leaned forward with a mock-serious expression, pointer finger toward the ceiling. "I know it can be difficult at times, but we have to stay stro--"

"As I was _saying_," Kyoya shoved Tamaki brusquely to the side, landing him on the couch opposite Haruhi. "Despite the fact that you no longer have a debt to pay, Miss Fujioka, our dear president has been racking one up. In fact, he has nearly drained our funds with his recent Egyptian Week, which would not have been complete without authentic sand from the dunes in Africa and dromedary camels from Western Asia."

"They smelled bad!" Honey offered from the other side of the room, jabbing his fork into the air. He narrowly missed spearing Mori's frontal lobes by only a few inches. The bodyguard-turned-cousin carefully lowered the younger man's arm without missing a beat.

Kyoya pulled the miniature planner from his pocket and glanced briefly at the contents. "At this rate, with the current average of extra income we receive from neighboring schools, we should be able to pay off last month's _indulgence_--" He threw Tamaki a glare, which earned him a pout "--in about three months' time."

"Mommy is just being a fusspot, Haruhi," Tamaki assured her. "Kyoya also knows that there is no price too high for the happiness of our patrons!"

"Yes, senpai, I do seem to remember hearing that one before," Haruhi sighed. "But we can't very well have every girl in Japan coming to us!" She closed her eyes and reclined her head on the back of the couch. "I can't keep up with ten conversations at once. Its ridiculous. Who even _cares_ about that dumb Low.. Loams.. whatever kind of purse it was? Honestly. Don't you people have anything better to do? Oh wait, no. You don't."

There was a concurrent rustling of fabric and footsteps.

"That's quite a statement, Haruhi," a familiar sly, but pleasant voice purred in her left ear. "Someone must be cranky this afternoon."

"Mmm," a similar voice began by her right ear. "That _Loewe_ bag was a priceless vintage."

Haruhi's lips twitched almost imperceptibly. _They_ would know, naturally.

"Are you sure it wasn't a fake, Kaoru?" The voice from the left seemed to move up and away from her ear. The presence on her other side mirrored the movement.

"Yeah, I checked it out while the girl was flirting shamelessly with Haruhi. The leather was circa 1967, rare at that time for the design house." A hand reached out to ruffle the hair of the only female host. "Poor Haruhi, getting fawned over by dozens of rich girls all the time. It must be so exhausting for you!"

"Can it, Kaoru." The brunette finally opened her eyes, narrowing them at the twin above her. "It gets old for you, too."

He shrugged. "Eh, sometimes." Kaoru looked up for his twin, who seemed to have wandered a few feet away. Haruhi had sometimes wondered what would happen if you were to take one too far away from the other. Some form of cataclysmic eruptions in the earth's crust and a typhoon, at the very least.

It had probably never happened before.

Haruhi blinked and refocused on Kaoru, who was now grinning down at her, ornate pink ceiling masonry framing his face. "But Hikaru and I always find ways to make it more interesting. You should try something new now and again, Haruhi."

"Well, some of us don't have identical twins we can pretend to be gay with," she countered dryly.

Hikaru came back into her line of vision then, leaning over her face with a smirk of his own. Haruhi noted one of Renge's chocolate chip cookies in his right hand. "Is someone jealous?"

"Hardly."

"Mmhmm." He intentionally took a bite of cookie over her, a few fine sugar crumbs raining down on her forehead.

"Gross, Hikaru!" Haruhi exclaimed, simultaneously jerking up and swiping at her face. A pair of snickers erupted behind her. She really should've seen that one coming. She'd been developing something of a sixth sense when it came to her mischievous classmates, but it clearly hadn't been perfected yet.

"And you call yourselves hosts! How could you be so cruel to our Haruhi?!" Said girl found herself cringing as Tamaki ranted at the twins. Not from his words, but at the sugar granule that had found its way into her left contact. With a defeated sigh, she began the process of fishing it out.

"Look, now she's crying!"

Before Haruhi could correct Tamaki on his observation, Hikaru and Kaoru had practically materialized on either side of her, apparently having knocked the prince back onto the adjacent couch in the process. A veil of gloom fell upon the blonde as he muttered about "spousal abuse" and "father-son relationships".

"Are you alright, Haruhi?" Hikaru took her chin first, pulling her face to his. A flicker of genuine worry came and went across his features. Golden eyes narrowed slightly. "Hmm, you aren't crying."

Kaoru stole her attention, taking her from Hikaru's grasp. "No, but you're squinting.... ah." Kaoru noticed the contact on her index finger. "You poor thing! Here, I have eye drops..."

Hikaru tugged her back to him again as Kaoru slid the bottle from his pocket. "Mm, but you have a bit of sugar in your eyelashes..." He gently brushed the fingertips of his free hand over her lashes. "There," he grinned. Haruhi frowned.

Tamaki squealed indignantly.

"Look, guys, I'm really not in the mood today." Haruhi shrugged out of Hikaru's hands and plopped the freshly rinsed contact back into her eye. "I'm really tired, I guess. I'll just take one of Renge's cookies and hit the road." The brunette stood, locking her fingers and stretching upward, remaining oblivious to how the twins had suddenly frozen at her words.

"Where is that cookie jar..." It was as if the swinging pendulum of the clock slowed, as if time were decelerating; Haruhi turned, Kaoru began to rise from the couch, Hunny took a bite of cake, Hikaru began to rise from the couch...

But their efforts were to be in vain. The female host had spotted the cookie jar. The _empty_ cookie jar. Her chocolate brown eyes narrowed as she slowly looked down upon the cookie-holding Hitachiin. Hikaru swallowed.

"This isn't what it looks like."

"Whatever." Haruhi's shoulders drooped as she shuffled to the door, sliding her bag off a table as she passed. Kyoya 'hn'ed as she uncovered his laptop. He should fine her for that... somehow.

"Hey, hey," Hikaru maneuvered in front of her, holding up the remaining half of the cookie. "We can share! We have before..." he trailed off suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

"I'll pass."

"Haruu~hiii," Kaoru threw his arms around her shoulders from behind. "How can you ever forgive us?!"

"Really, guys, I just want to go home!" she said exasperatedly, pushing Kaoru off so quickly he stumbled forward into his brother. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

With one last slightly peeved backward glance, she was out the door. Hikaru looked down at the younger twin he was holding up in his arms. "Do you think something is really wrong?"

"Nah," The younger twin stood, both of them turning to stare after her. "But we might steal some of her clients tomorrow, yeah?"

* * *

Haruhi straightened her lilac blazer as she walked into home room the following morning. She felt considerably better after a good night's sleep. She expected the two familiar heads of auburn hair as she looked toward her seat, but that didn't mean she relished the idea of talking about her minor explosion yesterday. Haruhi exhaled, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. They were actually here pretty early. Probably wanting to make up for the... cookie incident...

What was that on her desk?

"Cookies?" she mumbled, stopping in front of her desk, fingering the bright blue package. "Chips Ahoy?"

"Yeah, they were here when I sat down," Kaoru shrugged, smiling.

"Guess you have a secret admirer, Haruhi!" Hikaru emulated his brother.

"Who went out of their way to buy me _'commoners'_ cookies?" she deadpanned, holding up the package. "You two are losing your touch."

"What_ever_ do you mean?" they chorused, blinking innocently.

Haruhi slid into her seat, smiling despite herself. "Thanks. Really." she said quietly, tearing at the end of the package.

The twins exchanged pleased looks over her head before switching back into Business Mode.

"Honestly, Haruhi," Hikaru simpered, accepting a cookie from her and gesturing in an almost Tamaki-like fashion. "We're flattered you'd think we were so kind, but you should probably start trying to figure out who this girl is."

"Yeah," Kaoru began, biting into the sweet. "You know how jealous Renge would get..."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. They were _so_ guilty.

* * *

**End A/N:** Sooo, it's not exactly Hika/Haru. It's more Haruhi/Twins (which I do believe someone nominated to be an option in the character's columns, and I heartily second that). I had planned on leaning more towards Hikaru, but it just seemed cuter this way. Bah. I can't control these plot bunnies! They're already hopping onto something else!

Reviews, candy, and manga are all accepted forms of payment!


End file.
